I say orphan “spirit” and not an orphan child because it is possible to have parents or a family, and you may very well still be carrying around an orphan heart, mindset, or attitude. Many parents do not have the capacity, knowledge, or skills necessary to raise a child. Many parents were never loved themselves as children, therefore it may be hard for them to show or even feel love. It is possible to have two, very hard-working parents who are never home, and have no time to spend with their children, or you could have parents who are home and are emotionally disconnected or unavailable to you. They could be physically or mentally ill, addicts of any kind, abusive, or very robotic in nature. Then there are the ones who are by legal stature, “orphans”. Anything is possible, regardless, if you have not been shown proper or an adequate amount of love, compassion, and connection to a mother and father in your early years, chances are you will carry around the story of being unloved, unworthy, not good enough, unseen, unheard, misunderstood, and not belonging anywhere with anyone. This is a pretty tough lens to live life through… I know because I was one myself. There are many, many moments in my life where I have felt completely and utterly alone, betrayed and estranged. The world felt like a massive place with billions of people and it overwhelmed me to know that I had nowhere to call home and no one to call family. Simply put I felt alien, or foreign no matter where I was, or who I was with. Children who are not shown love may rightfully take it personal. It is far from personal though, it’s almost a generational curse, meaning, your grandparents are passing on what was, or wasn’t done to them to your parents, and your parents are passing down the only thing they know to you. It will be easy to not trust people, and to not have faith in others, because somewhere along the line your basic needs were not being met by those you instinctively trusted. You learned very early that you had to fend for yourself if you wanted something. I believe that you can use this to your advantage in life or you could let it disrupt your life by not being open to new experiences or love. When you google the term orphan spirit, you will find articles written mostly by religious ones, advising you to cast out this spirit as if it is demonic, and do nothing but bash them with the top negative traits of an orphan. My perspective on this is quite different. You can think of this as more of a part of you…and we can call that your inner child. Would we call our children demonic, or want to throw them out as if they are the problem in our lives? No? Probably not. We would want to nurture that inner child, by highlighting their strengths, and telling them it is okay to slip and fall, we all do it and we try again. We learn what works and what doesn’t, we grow, and we move on. Here, I want to share with you how to befriend your orphan spirit.
First things first, let’s get clear on our stories and how they work. I believe stories are great, they build bonds between family members, they can carry on traditions, they can keep lost loved ones alive through sharing. It is only when we attach to our unhealthy stories and hold onto the identity that we were in that particular story that they can become a problem. Let me give you a simple example (a friends actual story): Tom’s* parents got a divorce when he was little, and his mother left him, so he grew up with his father. The ‘story’ became that his mother did not love him, she left him and did not care about Tom at all. Anytime his mother called to speak to him, Tom would shut down, he would not tell her he loved her, and I did not want to share his life with her at all. He was very closed off to her. Then, at age 35 Tom finally called her and asked her, “What happened?”. His mother started crying and said, ‘I thought you would never ask’….and her answer was this, “When your father and I got divorced, he took me aside and said that if I didn’t let him keep you, then he would take you to another country and I would never get to see you or speak to you again.” So for 25 whole years, Tom withheld love from his own mother! When there are pieces missing, our mind will make up stories. And in that particular story, who Tom became was unloved, and not good enough. Then, what happens is that if we truly believe that about ourselves then we will subconsciously attract situations, relationships and people in our life to continually prove us right about our story! Like in Tom’s case, he would attract women in intimate relationships who would always leave him, and sometimes for no reason! No one wants to be wrong about their story! Right? Once you figure out where you stand in your story, you will need to create new possibilities for yourself if you want to experience anything different. For me, it has been a long journey of finding myself, healing and becoming whole (or more like realizing I was already whole and I was never broken to begin with). I will tell you that as hard as my life has been, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. To me, it has only caused me to grow from the inside out and pushed me to open and expand my heart over and over again. To me, my life has shown me just how strong, and courageous I can be. It has caused me to feel the extremely low lows, that then allowed me to also experience really high highs-because you cannot have one without the other. So all of this leads me to my next point…
If life is feeling really low vibe for you, and you have done what it takes to change the lens that you look through, consider that it is not life that is the problem. Life is not good or bad. Life is just life. Just like the chair is just a chair. WE all get to label things or give them meaning. Good and bad are opinions, and I am not saying that feeling depressed or grief in your life is not valid. What you feel is very valid. What I am saying is that you have power. I have the power to give my life any meaning I desire and so do you! So why not give the meaning of being an orphan the highest possible reason? And the sky is the limit!
Below: A typical home for me! The world is my home!
I am no longer an orphan (although nothing has changed on the outside), I will call it a free spirit, I came to be an orphan so that I could learn to stand up on my own, or to learn about love in different ways, or to learn non-attachment, to learn independence. Really, feel good about who you are, run with the new meaning of your life. The world is yours and you are not the worlds to own, and that is liberating! YOU have power! Stay away from victim mentality, pay attention to where you are attraction rejection and stop it in its tracks! The Universe supports your thoughts, so be careful what you are thinking! You will find family in others but your first job here is to love yourself FIRST! Self love…it’s a real thing that they should be teaching in schools. Google it, discover what it means to you, and practice it. Watch how you mentally talk to yourself, and start speaking to yourself as if you are you when you were little. We wouldn’t talk to ourselves so harshly if we were 4 years old, right? So be nice! 😉 You cannot expect anyone else to love you until you love yourself first. So get to it..Be here for you first, because you are what you have right now, and when you discover all of the wonderful things you love about yourself, you will be so grateful and so happy that it is you that you have by your side, or better yet, within you…because YOU made you that way and that is how powerful you are!And then be here for others, whatever it is that you wish you had in your life-be that for others! If you want more hugs, hug more people. If you want someone to take you out to eat, call someone and take them out to eat! If you just wished someone would call you and say I love you, you already know what you need to do! And everything that you went through or are going through can make you or break you, so choose powerfully, choose your reasons. Why are you here? What will you do with what you have been given?
Blessings and much love to my fellow orphan spirits….Soon you will all BE FREE spirits! <3
If you are an orphan, or find yourself struggling in any way and feel stuck but ready (and I mean passionately ready) to move forward in your life, I offer life coaching for those who need more long-term help, and I will answer any questions in one or two emails regardless of if I am receiving anything in return. I am always here to offer my support to those who reach out.